All I've Ever Needed
by ClaireJKP
Summary: How far does it have to go before it gets too much? Can a chance encounter change your outlook on life as you know it? Sucky summary, but I'm sure the actual story wont be a dissapointment. Rated M for violence and possible lemons.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**_

_**Of course the characters belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer, I just drop them in my own world. No copyright infringement intended, or whatever these things are supposed to say.  
Plagiarism is stealing, yada, yada, yada. Enjoy **_

* * *

APOV

Lifting the lid off the shampoo, I bought it to my nose and sniffed. Papaya. I quickly replaced it and pulled another off the shelf. He hated that scent, and I really didn't need another reason for him to get mad at me. The next shampoo was green. Tea Tree? Definitely not.

Sighing, I turned away from the aisle of hair care products, walking toward the toothpaste. I grabbed the cheapest package of floss and moved away. It had caused another disagreement with Jake. He didn't understand why I needed to floss my teeth, however many times I'd tried to explain about dental hygiene. What was next? I checked the list, crossing off the things I already had.

_Bread_

_Milk_

_Shampoo_

_Floss_

_Concealer_

_Mascara_

_Nachos_

_Diet Coke_

_Beer_

_Whiskey_

_Chips_

'_Sinister'_

'_Men in Black III'_

I'd found all the basics. I really needed to hurry up, he expected me home by five, and it was already a quarter past four. Crap. I needed to get the makeup and DVD's and hurry the hell up.

Within the next thirty minutes I'd grabbed the cheapest makeup, scoured the many aisles for the movies, and found them, thank God, before hurrying to get the rest of the groceries. I looked at my watch. 4:45pm. Shit shit shit. The queues were long and I needed to rush.

I had everything packed and paid for within minutes and was rushing outside to the car when I knocked into someone, dropping my bag. Everything fell out and I fell to my knees, close to tears. I was going to be late, I knew it. Wiping the tears from my eyes I started to pick everything up, muttering an apology to the person I'd just knocked into. I kept staring at the floor as I made sure I had everything, until a large hand placed the whisky bottle in one of the bags. I looked up, ready to thank them and get the hell home, when I found myself staring into the most beautiful blue eyes. I hastily wiped my eyes yet again, getting more scared the longer he stared at me.

"I'm sorry about that; I'll just be out of your way." I mumbled at him.

He raised his hand and I almost freaked out, picturing Jake when he gets angry. I apologised to the stranger, why would he try and hurt me?

"Whoa… calm down young lady, I'm sorry…" He put his hand down. "I was just going to help you up..."

I looked around, noticing a small crowd had gathered around us in the car park. I stood up and backed away from him. He was big, almost as big as Jake, and he looked like he wrestled alligators. I grabbed my shopping and got in my car, not breaking eye contact with him. The crowds outside had dispersed and the stranger was watching me as he got into his own car. Seeing the time, I realised I had ten minutes to make the twenty minute journey home. I was out of the car park in a matter of seconds.

The traffic was hell, and I spent the half hour it took me to get home, wondering about the ways that Jake was going to punish me for being late. Pulling into the driveway, I took a deep breath before climbing out the car, walking inside, twenty minutes late. At first I couldn't see Jake. I went to the kitchen putting all the groceries away and went upstairs to change before I began dinner.

I was almost changed when I heard a noise coming from bathroom connected to our bedroom. I span around too late as he landed a smack across the left side of my face. It immediately began throbbing and tears sprang to my eyes, as they always did. This didn't stop him though, Jake liked seeing me cry. He liked hearing me beg him to stop.

"Where the fuck have you been you little bitch? You been out fucking around on me? You're twenty fucking minutes late!" He was shouting right in my face and I could smell the whisky on his breath. I took a shaky breath and stood up straighter, tentatively holding my face with my left hand.

"I was shopping… the traffic was bad. I'm sorry…" I knew he wasn't listening as he raised his hand again. I shrank back in fear as his fist came flying toward my face, my head falling back against the closet, and everything went dark.

xoxo

**Three Years Ago**

**I remember, he was so happy when he found out we were pregnant. We'd been together for three years, married for seven months. He'd always wanted a large family and was ecstatic at the news. He instantly went out and bought a newborn babygro that said 'My daddy loves me.' Everything was great for months; we were so excited, buying new things for the baby.**

**I'd just reached the end of the first trimester; my stomach was beginning to show a little bit. Jake loved my fuller figure, my hips were wider and my breasts seemed bigger, which he couldn't seem to get enough of. Life was good, and I couldn't wait to meet my child. Our child. **

**We were doing what we usually do on a Friday night; curled up on the sofa with a movie and a bowl of popcorn. My head was on his lap and his hand was on my stomach, his favourite place for it. He was hoping he'd start feeling some movement soon and couldn't keep his hands off me when we were alone. **

**He was dozing in the middle of 'Panic Room' when I started feeling cramps. I tried to ignore them, they were just little twinges, and I didn't want to worry Jake. The final credits were rolling as the cramps got worse. I jerked at a particularly painful one and Jake woke up, sitting up with me. **

"**Baby, are you ok? Are you in pain?" He sounded worried. I shook my head, no. I think he could tell by the look on my face I was lying.**

"**Just heartburn baby. I'm fine." I rubbed my hand over my heart and smiled at him. "Come on, movies over… let's go to bed."**

**He looked hesitant but agreed, turning off the television before lifting me into his arms. He liked carrying me, and I always felt safe in his arms. He fell asleep soon after we got to bed and I was feeling better with his arm wrapped around me, his hand back where his baby was sleeping. I couldn't sleep. My cramps were horrible, I was almost crying from the pain. **

"**Baby…" I couldn't take it anymore. "Baby… please wake up. Baby please, it hurts." Jake was up straight away, his hands rubbing at my stomach. He was frowning, probably at the fact I'd downplayed the pain earlier. He knew not to say anything, he could see from the look on my face that I was in too much pain. **

"**I'm sorry… please… it hurts…"I was curled up, my arms wrapped around my stomach as Jake moved into action. He grabbed his keys and his wallet and lifted me up again. He was tense as he got in the car, glaring out the window as he drove almost twice the speed limit to get us to the hospital. I was scared. I shouldn't be cramping this much. I shouldn't be cramping at all.**

**Jake looked mad as he spun into a free space and stopped the car. I guess I was wrong in thinking he was worried about me, just caring about his baby. Not that I minded. I would put up with this pain if it meant my baby was happy and healthy.**

**He carried me into the hospital and I groaned as he jerked. He looked down at me and the phrase 'if looks could kill' came to mind. I could see his point. If I had told him the truth when I first started feeling the cramps, then we probably wouldn't be here right now. **

**He put me down when I asked him to and he gave me a hug, his shoulders still tense. I leant my head on his chest and smiled as he wrapped his arms around me. We walked over to the chairs in the waiting room and he tried to pull me down onto his lap.**

"**Baby, I just need the bathroom, I'll be right back." I kissed his cheek as he nodded and followed the signs to the ladies room. Thankfully there was no queue because my cramps were back. Dizzily, I made my way to the nearest cubicle and sat down before I collapsed. The sight of the blood on my underwear made my knees buckle and I had to grasp something. My head was swimming at the sight of the blood. **

**I was crying by the time I made my way back to Jake and I collapsed onto his lap, sobbing into his neck. I was barely coherent as I tried to explain why I was so upset.**

"**I… bathroom… blood… I'm sorry…" I couldn't look at his face; I was too scared to see how mad he was at me. I stood up and he followed, grabbing my hand, almost dragging me to see a doctor. He pulled me so hard I knocked into a wall, and I cried out in pain as I grabbed my stomach. I was praying to God that my baby would be alright. Jake just lifted me and carried me into the room they had asked us to go in. **

**They asked me to lie down, and I did, hoping the dizziness would cease. I drifted in and out of consciousness as they checked my blood pressure and all my vitals. I woke up properly when Jake growled, and I sat up. The doctor had gone to get the sonogram machine and Jake was standing next to the bed. **

"**Did you want to hurt our baby?" Confused, I shook my head. "Your blood pressure is through the roof, your iron level is way too low and your sodium level is way too high. Are you trying to get sick?" **

**I couldn't bring myself to speak, but I guess my tears spoke for me. Jake saw my expression and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.**

"**I'm sorry baby… I didn't mean that… I'm just worried about you… and our baby." He kissed the top of my head as he spoke and I just nodded, not knowing what to say.**

**The nurse walked in with a portable machine used for sonograms. She asked how far along I was and how long I'd been feeling these cramps. I told her about the cramps and the blood and she got right to work. She talked to us as she worked, trying to ease our fears.**

"**I'm sure everything is fine. You'll get to see your baby anyway." I felt Jake squeeze my hand as I looked for my baby on the screen. Jake kissed my head again as the nurse turned the screen away from our view. Jake was immediately worried.**

"**What is it? What's wrong with our baby?" The nurse stood up, her smile long gone from her face.**

"**I'll just go and get your doctor, I won't be long…"**

**Jake stood up and moved to the other side of the room. He was glaring at everything and he wouldn't catch my eye.**

"**Jake… baby… Everything will be fine… your baby is fine..."**

"**I highly doubt that. Why all the secrecy? You've lost our baby!"**

"**WE DON'T KNOW THAT!" I couldn't handle the accusations. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if it was true.**

**Just then, the doctor walked back in with the nurse and I fell back against the bed. He took a seat in front of the screen and had a look. I was cramping again as he looked up at me, and Jake made his way back over to my side. He looked expectantly at the doctor and waited for him to talk.**

"**Now, it's very important you understand this was not your fault." He didn't need to say anymore, I understood perfectly. And from Jake's reaction, he did too. The doctor carried on talking but I could barely hear him. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and stared at the wall in front of me.**

**Jake was still listening to the doctor and squeezing my hand hard, almost painfully. I couldn't stop myself crying. And once the tears started, they wouldn't stop. The doctor left the room and Jake ripped his hand from mine.**

"**You little bitch." I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly until he said it again. I just looked at him as he continued.**

"**You thought you could lose my baby and I wouldn't be mad? Are you insane?"**

**I shook my head and moved closer to the wall, tucking my knees to my chest. He walked over to the bed, standing right beside it, glaring down at me.**

"**The doctor said you need to stay here. There are some complications or something like that, and you need surgery to remove the foetus. He suggested I stay with you, that you might need someone." I could hear the venom in his voice; I was seeing a side to Jake that I had never seen before.**

"**Jake… I'm sorry… we can try again if you want…"**

**He towered over me menacingly and the look on his face literally made me fear for my life. I remembered what I had told myself before, that I would eternally hate myself if anything happened to this child and I told Jake that. He just laughed in my face.**

"**I hope you do hate yourself forever! That was my baby! There is no way we are trying again as it's obvious you cannot look after anything!"**

**Again, I burst into tears. This was not the Jake I loved. "I'M SORRY!"**

"**YOU FUCKING WILL BE!" He yelled, before slapping me across the face. "If you weren't in the hospital right now, I'd be kicking your ass."**

**I turned away from him before he saw me cry again, wincing as the door slammed. I waited a few minutes until I knew he was definitely gone and fell into a restless sleep, cradling my cheek with one hand, my stomach with the other.**

xoxo

Present Day

I woke up to Jake's face, right up close to mine, so close our noses were almost touching. I flinched back from him and he frowned.

"I'm sorry baby; I don't know what came over me. I just lost my temper, stressful day at work, you know. I promise I will never hurt you again."

I sighed. It sounded fake and rehearsed, probably because it was. He said it every time he hit me. Every time he'd 'playfully' shove me into a wall, or a door. Every time he punched me or kicked me for being so useless. It was numerous times a week now.

I nodded, just so I didn't anger him again. I could feel a pounding in my head, and my face was aching. I stood up, slowly, taking Jake's hand. If I showed him I wasn't mad, maybe he wouldn't hurt me for a while. I looked in the mirror cautiously, first at his face to gauge his reaction. Seeing none that showed he was angry, I leant in to look at my injuries.

Blood caked the lower part of my face, my nose was obviously broken, and I had two black eyes. Perfect. My head was still throbbing, so I tried to check for any sign of injury. My hair was matted and when I pulled my hand away, it was covered in fresh blood. I looked in the bag on the vanity for my concealer and found none. I guess I dropped it in the parking lot.

I didn't want to provoke Jake, so I wrapped my arms around him and leant my head on his chest, careful to not get any blood on his shirt.

"Baby… can you drive me to the hospital… I need to get cleaned up after I fell down the stairs…" I looked up at him, starting to go slightly dizzy from the loss of blood, and he nodded approvingly. Good, I hadn't made him mad.

I held his hand as he drove. Going to the hospital was a regular occurrence for me, so we didn't relate it to when we lost our baby. After that day we'd had some tests done, and it was found it wasn't my fault, it could've happened to anyone. Jake was quick to apologise after that, and promise he would never do it again. It was becoming quite a pattern for him.

xoxo

The drive was quick, and I spent the short journey wiping off some of the dried blood on my face and hands. I changed my shirt to one of Jake's from the car and held his hand tight when we walked into the emergency room. I ignored all the looks I was getting from other people in the waiting room as we walked up to the desk.

The receptionist looked at me once and turned to glare at Jake. Was it really that obvious? I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him lightly. His returning smile was more of a grimace. He was giving me the 'fix this' look.

"Excuse me…" I smiled again as she turned back to look at me. "I fell down the stairs and I think I broke my nose… I also hit my head, it seems to be bleeding."

The receptionist looked at me in disbelief, but still handed me the forms to fill. Pulling Jake away from the desk, we walked to the only empty chair in the very full waiting room and he sat down, pulling me onto his lap. I started filling in the forms, leaning my head on his shoulder, smiling at any other people if they looked our way.

After half an hour of watching other people walk into the exam rooms, my head was beginning to ache again, so I closed my eyes and just listened to the general chatter. It seemed as soon as one patient left, another would come in to fill the seat. Of course that is what it would be like in the ER of a hospital in the centre of New York.

xoxo

Eventually, just as the dull ache was becoming an aggravating pounding, a nurse called me in. I opened my eyes and followed the nurse into exam room one, with Jacob close behind. The nurse whose name was Isabella started asking a few questions, whilst we waited for the doctor to come through. Apparently the receptionist had thought my injuries were 'severe' enough to be seen to by someone else.

Isabella kept glancing at Jake and back to me whilst she was asking questions. She took me over to the corner to measure my weight and whispered in my ear as Jake was looking at a poster about pregnancy on the wall.

Isabella was very pregnant, and looked about ready to pop. With that and all the posters about babies on the wall, I felt bad for making Jake come here.

"I can ask Mr Black to leave if you want to talk. Maybe you would feel more comfortable discussing your injuries?" She looked sincere, and I almost wanted to reach out and hug her and tell her everything. I looked back at Jake and he was looking at the poster so sadly I was consumed with a huge amount of guilt. I'd ruined that for us. I shook my head and walked back to Jake.

She kept writing little notes in my chart as she cleaned my head wound, and I held Jake's hand tight as she stitched it up. She gave me some medication for the pain and we sat back down to talk.

"Your weight is very low, even for a woman your size. I'd expect you to be almost twenty to thirty pounds heavier than you are… Is there a reason you are so underweight?"

I didn't need to look at Jake to know how to answer that one. "My life is very hectic. I sometimes don't have time to eat. And I like to exercise… that's how I got these injuries… I was in a rush to get to the gym…" One look at her face and I knew we weren't fooling her but I didn't care. We were beginning to wonder what was taking the doctor so long. I was staring at the poster for a healthy pregnancy when he walked in. His head was down and he was reading a large file.

Isabella coughed and he looked up. "Doctor, this is Mr and Mrs Black." I heard a gasp and looked away from the poster up at the face of the doctor.

It was the man whom I'd knocked into in the car park of Wal-Mart. He was scrutinizing my face, looking over at my injuries. He took a step toward Jake and I, and for the second time in as many hours, I passed out.

* * *

EMPOV

Watching the young women pass out at the sight of me seemed to make her husband very suspicious. I was more confused as to why she had collapsed and did not care about his reaction toward me. Mr Black lifted his wife onto the exam bed and stood next to her, his hand grasping hers tightly. Her hand was tiny compared to his meaty fingers. He obviously worked out a lot. Mrs Black looked a sight, and, though not obvious to the normal bystander, she looked at her husband with an air of fear. Hostility seemed to roll off him in waves and I knew she could feel it by the way she held herself around him.

"Mr Black, my name is Doctor Hale. I understand your wife fell down the stairs." He nodded and I took the notes off Bella as she held them out to me. I gestured for her to sit down, this had been a long shift and her brother had trusted me to make sure she rested enough. I started to peruse the notes as he watched his wife, waiting for her to wake up. I took a mental note of that, Mr Black, whose name I learnt was Jacob, didn't even seem worried that she was out cold for no apparent reason. Odd.

The file I was reading was extensive. Starting at a miscarriage almost three years previous, it seemed that visiting the emergency room was a habit to this couple. Broken bones, bruises, cuts and gashes. The list went on and on. Something was going on here.

I looked up from the notes as Jake's wife groaned and sat up, holding her hand to her head. I put the notes down. Time to have a talk with them.

"Mrs Black, welcome back. You fainted, nothing to worry about." She looked a sight, a swollen broken nose, black eyes and bruises around her face. Her hair seemed to be stuck to her head with fresh blood although Bella had stitched the wound. "That cut on your head looks fairly deep. Once the bleeding has stopped, I'd like to send you for a head CT scan." She just nodded, and Bella stood up to hold some gauze at the wound.

I continued reading the notes until the bleeding had sufficiently ceased. Jake, at his wife's request, had gone to get himself a coffee, and I grabbed a wheelchair to wheel her up to the scan myself. Bella stayed to clean up the exam room so we had a little time to talk.

"Mrs Black, it would be in your best interest to tell us the truth about what happened."

She looked up at me and frowned. "Alice… My name is Alice. And I fell down the stairs."

I sighed. That was the case with abused wives, as I had suspicions to put Alice into this category. I wasn't going to get a clear answer from her. "Ok Alice. Would you like to explain your reaction to me at the store earlier? Why you almost freaked out, and kept muttering that you were late?"

She shook her head and watched the corridor we were walking through. We turned the corner and bumped right into Jacob. He took the chair from me as I directed them up to the room we wanted. I left them with the CT technician and walked back down to get my things. It was almost 8pm. Time to go home. I stopped in to say goodbye to Bella before leaving, and to tell her my suspicions.

"Bella, did you find anything weird between those two? The way he was acting around her, and she him. She seemed almost afraid of him." The look on Bella's face told me she agreed.

"I'll get Charlie to look into it…" Bella replied, referring to her father, a private detective. It was my turn to nod and with a quick goodbye, I was out of there.

xoxo

The drive home was long, and I found myself thinking back to Alice. She sure was beautiful. Even with those bruises, her small figure and dainty features gave her a look of innocence.

I finally pulled into my driveway and let out a breath. I had the weekend off, and could finally take a breather. As much as I loved being an ER doctor, it was nice to get some time off. I treasured the few hours I could spend away from that place.

Kicking off my shoes inside the front door, I walked upstairs and stood in the doorway of the bedroom, smiling. Rose turned from her seat on the bed and beamed.

"Emmett! You're back!" I grinned as she jumped from the bed and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I am Rosie … how's my baby?" I kissed the top of her head, hugging her back lightly, walking over to where my one month old daughter was lying asleep on the centre of the bed.

"I just got her to sleep about ten minutes ago. She was fussy… wanted her daddy she did." I watched her sleep for a few minutes, turning back to my sister.

"Are you sure you're ok with looking after her whilst I work?" I already knew the answer. After a car accident when she was fifteen had killed our parents and left her unable to have her own children, she loved spending time with Grace.

She nodded, and I hugged her again, smiling as she leant up to kiss my cheek. "I adore her. She is amazing, and I want to do this."

Casting one last glance at Grace she walked out the room, leaving me to change for bed. I settled into bed, moving Grace onto my chest where she loved to sleep. I turned on the TV quietly, looking down at the fluffy red-blonde hair of my daughter.

xoxo

Tanya had been an intern at the hospital. We'd all gone out to celebrate my birthday and Tanya had come along. After one too many drinks, all of which Tanya was happy to provide for me, she drove me to hers and we did the dirty. A week later, when I returned, Tanya had gone, only to return seven and a half months later, very pregnant, letting me know I was going to be a daddy.

She had nowhere to stay; her landlord had kicked her out after trying to bribe him into sleeping with her as rent payment. I couldn't exactly say no, she was carrying my son or daughter. Rose and I had shared a house since our parents had died, and at the prospect of looking after a baby, what Rose has wanted ever since she turned eighteen, she agreed to let Tanya stay.

The next six weeks had been a whirlwind. Buying clothes and toys and diapers and a crib. I had always assumed Tanya would want to share a room with the baby; we were not really an item. Rose, being the good natured girl she was, agreed to move into the smaller room so everything would fit in the larger. I wouldn't have minded the baby sleeping in my room, only my hours at the hospital were crazy and it would be complicated.

xoxo

**One Month Ago**

**The day that Tanya gave birth was one of the best days of my life. It was a relatively quick labour, with a lot of cursing and a few almost-broken fingers, thanks to Tanya. She has been threatening to leave, and demand child support, but the moment my daughter was placed in my arms, I forgot all about her threats. All I could think about was the precious six pound child I was holding. Her eyes were the brightest blue and there was no doubt she was mine. Her hair had some red tints to it, but that was as far as the similarities to Tanya ended. **

**She was perfect. Her Apgar scores were six and nine. The six worried me at first but her great improvement the following time sent a feeling of relief through me.**

**When she was taken from me, and taken to the nursery, I called Rose and she was there as quickly as she could be. We stood for ages as she was cleaned and measured and settled down to sleep. I held her tiny hand and watched her sleep and smirked when I saw Rose was crying. **

"**What?" I smiled as Rose leant closer to the baby and kissed her head. **

"**It's so strange seeing you like this… so grown up. So mature. What is she called?" **

**I shrugged. Tanya and I hadn't thought of a name yet. "I don't know… lets go find out…" I walked with Rose to the room Tanya had been moved to and walked in, to find her tongue in another guy's mouth. I stopped still in the doorway and frowned, waiting for Tanya to finish.**

**It took a minute, but Tanya finally realised we were there and had the decency to look almost guilty. I stayed still but Rose pushed past me, standing at the foot of Tanya's bed, hands on hips.**

"**What the hell, bitch? You JUST had my brother's baby, and now you're playing tonsil hockey with some guy!"**

**Tanya's face turned from guilty to smug. "His name is James, and he's my boyfriend… or he will be as soon as I get rid of that… thing." She gestured to the door, meaning the baby.**

**I frowned. How dare she talk about my baby like that? Rose must have been thinking the same thing, because the next thing I see is her fist planted in the middle of Tanya's face. I laughed, I couldn't help it.**

"**I'm going to sign all parental rights over to you… I can't be assed with the little shit, all the pain it caused me."**

**I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She completely ignored the fact she'd just been punched. I just stared at her, mouth open, shocked that she could talk about her beautiful baby the way she was. Rose grabbed my arm and pulled me outside, her hands on my shoulders trying to calm me. I was fuming. I just wanted to hit her. I couldn't give a shit she had moved on so quickly, but to just… ignore her daughter.**

**I followed Rose back to the nursery and sat watching my daughter. I held her hand as she woke up and started crying. The shrill sound panicked me a little but Rose picked her up and rocked her and she quietened down rather quickly. When the nurse came in to feed her I began to panic again.**

"**She doesn't have any of her mother's milk… what do we do? Will it affect her development? Will it make her sick? What do I feed her instead?"**

**The nurse simply smiled. "Ah, first time father…" I nodded and she continued. "Your baby can have formula… although studies show breastfeeding is sometimes better for the baby; formula will give the baby all the nutrients she needs." **

**I sat back down, facing her. "Can I hold her?" The nurse nodded and moved to pick her up, placing her in my arms.**

"**Does this little cutie have a name yet?" The nurse asked, looking between Rose and I. I looked at Rose who was quietly watching in the corner. **

"**I want you to choose. I have one veto." She nodded and walked closer, looking at the nurse who was smiling encouragingly.**

"**She looks like a Grace… Grace Emma…" I smiled. Mom would be happy we had named her first granddaughter after her. **

"**Grace Emma Hale. Perfect." I couldn't stop smiling. I had a daughter… she had a name, and she was named for my mother. It was perfect. I watched her as she opened her eyes, her already long lashes brushing her cheeks. I vaguely heard the nurse tell Rose where the canteen was, and they both left, leaving me alone with my daughter. **

"**I promise you Grace. I'll spend my life protecting you and making you happy."**

xoxo

Present Day

I smiled as she slept. It was the one time I was truly content, when she was safe and asleep. She always slept in her crib. As a doctor I have seen way too many infant deaths because the parents let their baby sleep in their bed with them and that was not happening to my girl.

The TV changed, and I looked at the clock. 9:30 pm. She'd sleep for another two hours at most before she'd want feeding. I can't complain though. I love sitting in the dark, feeding her a bottle, and being able to cuddle her till she fell asleep.

I stood up slowly, putting her down carefully in her crib. She knew by now not to wake up, it had been the same routine the past two weeks since I'd started work again. She learned fast. Rose would look after her during the day, and I would have her at night. I lived for the weekends when we could have a whole weekend to bond. Being a new father, I was allowed to not be on call over the weekends. I didn't want to miss my baby growing up.

Kissing her forehead, I left her to sleep, walking downstairs to find Rose on the sofa with Edward, her boyfriend and Isabella, her best friend. Bella spotted me first. She moved to stand up but I shook my head. She had her feet up, and I knew this far along in her pregnancy that it was hard for her to get comfortable.

"Em, hi! I talked to Charlie. He's going to keep an eye on things… Thing is, his best friend is Jacob's dad… things could get awkward… although they haven't talked for five years." I nodded and sat down on the chair opposite them. Rose was curled up on Edward's lap, asleep. Edward and Bella were watching some vampire movie.

"Will you guys take Rose out this weekend? She's exhausted, and I'm off till Tuesday. I know she loves looking after Grace but she needs some time off. I'll give her some cash; go to a movie, dancing. Whatever. I want some time with my baby." I sighed as she stretched and woke up.

Edward grinned and kissed the top of her head. "Baby, we're going out this weekend. You're coming to stay with me." Rose looked confused.

"I just want you to have some time off. I can handle her for a long weekend." I smiled as she nodded and stood up.

"In that case, I'm going to stay with Edward tonight. I'll be back Monday night." She ran upstairs to pack a bag and I smiled.

"Come on. I want to forget about work for the weekend. Come see the baby." I was immensely happy to be a dad and would show Grace off to anyone who would stop and listen.

xoxo

An hour later, Rose had packed and gone to Edward's house. Bella had gone home too, though I hated her living alone while she was this far along in her pregnancy, she didn't want to impose on her brother's privacy, and I knew Rose and Edward were extremely grateful for that. She was a little hesitant in leaving me alone with the baby, but I assured her as a doctor and a father I was more than capable of looking after her.

At eleven, she woke for her feed, and we walked around as her bottle warmed. I was becoming quite an expert at keeping her quiet, and she seemed to enjoy her formula. I was just happy to put her back to sleep, going to bed myself.

After her bottle, she wouldn't settle. She was crying and nothing I did would calm her down. I carried her around the house and sat downstairs, playing one of her soothing sleep sounds CD's. I didn't want to call Rose and prove that I couldn't handle it, yet if she didn't stop crying soon, I wouldn't know what to do.

I decided to call someone who would help, without telling Rose. I rocked Grace as I dialled and she picked up on the first ring. I felt bad calling. I knew she'd rather spend the night at home with her feet up.

"Hey, sorry, if you're comfy… It doesn't matter." Grace chose that moment to scream louder, and I sighed, rocking her again.

"No, no, it's fine… I'll be right there…" I smiled gratefully as she hung up. I stood holding Grace, watching the moon as she carried on screeching. I started to worry that there was something seriously wrong with her. I lay her on her changing table and checked her all over for any signs of illness. Finding none, I carried her back downstairs as the bell rang.

Stood in the doorway was the woman who had got me out of many tricky situations in the last two weeks, helping with the baby without telling Rose how completely useless I was at looking after her.

"It's been what, two hours since we left, how did you manage to lose control so quickly?" Isabella asked, smirking.

"My daughter hates me." I muttered miserably. "She knows I never loved her mother, and it's my fault she doesn't have one…"

"It is not your fault and she does not hate you. She is a newborn baby. They cry for no reason." Bella's tone was serious, but not rude. I walked over to the sofa and she handed me the now sleeping child. I moved over so she could sit, handing her a few cushions.

"Are you doing ok on your own? Managing everything? I remember Tanya couldn't do a lot when she was nearly due." Bella looked at me with a hint of exasperation.

"Tanya was lazy. She could do it all just fine; she just wanted you to wait on her hand and foot. And you bloody did." I frowned. Bella was right. Tanya had been more than capable of looking after herself right up until the day she gave birth, she just chose not to.

"So… four more weeks… are you ready? You know... I'd be fine if you wanted to take leave already." Being my sister's best friend, I looked at Bella like she was my sister. I cared about her and worried about her living all alone.

"I just want to keep busy. I don't like being alone and having nothing to do. That's why I'm glad that you need help with Grace all the time. I like the company…" At the mention of her name, Grace stretched in her sleep and yawned, her mouth forming a tiny little 'o'. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, lightly so she wouldn't wake, and turned to reply to Bella. She had been keeping name choices to herself, though we had been told one clue. If it was a boy, he would have a 'B' name, and if a girl her name would begin with a 'J'. She didn't know the gender yet; she was waiting until the birth to find out.

"When is Jasper coming home?" I always felt bad bringing Jasper up in case it upset her. This time though, she smiled.

"Six weeks. He said he's officially finished with the army this time but I don't know. I don't want him to go back. I can't live every day wondering if he's going to come home to me and our baby…"

I wrapped my arms around her and we talked until she fell asleep. I left her on the sofa as I took Grace up to bed, and then I carried Bella upstairs. I tucked her into my bed, on her side with some extra pillows. I grabbed the baby monitor and walked downstairs to the sofa. I'd be able to hear if either of them woke.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**So that's it. Chapter 1. I know a lot went on in this chapter, but once I started writing I couldn't stop.**

**Is it worth me carrying on with it? If you think it is, leave a review. **

**I will post the next chapter after 5 reviews telling me I should.**

**Constructive criticism welcome **

**ClaireJKP x**


	2. Apologies Guys

Alright, here's the dealio…

I am still writing this story; I just have absolutely no free time. I'm at college five days a week, and I now have a job which takes up a lot of my weekend, along with all the homework and studying left over from college.

I also have football and running. I have got to keep in shape as I plan to do some charity runs this year.

And I'm not making excuses but I lost my pen drive which had the next three chapters stored on it. If it turns up, I'll post the chapters, even if I get no reviews. I noticed I have a couple of favourites and maybe one of you is following this story.

All I got to say is, don't give up on me yet guys! This is my favourite story out of all that I have written and I really enjoy writing it. I love the constructive criticism, and I love the reviews.

And what I'd love most of all is if you'd stick with me, I will have this story up and chapters being published periodically.

I'm not the kind of writer who can put out a chapter in two hours or someone who can write a few hundred thousand words, like all my favourite authors can. In fact, it took me months to write the first chapter, from the time I got the idea to the time I published it, it had been seven months. I know, I had to keep changing little parts of it to fit the new timeline.

So the jist of this rant is, I have not forgotten about this story, or the few readers who take the time to look over my work. I got very worked up when I lost my pen drive, as it had a lot of family stuff on it as well.

So, thank you, for sticking with me, if you still are, and I will get writing as soon as I can, getting the next few chapters up for you before my next birthday, and if anyone wants to know when that will be, leave a review and ask, at least I'll know someone has been reading.

See what I did there? ;)

Oh, little side note, I found my story 'Baby Jasper' and depending on how my college work goes over the next few weeks, I may post it

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling, if you still are.

ENJOY VALENTINES DAY! I know I won't.  
He doesn't even know I exist. I swear, I live through my characters. :-p

Anyway, thanks


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer**_

_**Of course the characters belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer, I just drop them in my own world. No copyright infringement intended, or whatever these things are supposed to say. Plagiarism is stealing, yada, yada, yada. Enjoy**_.

* * *

The CT scan came back clear, thank God. Jake would have been really mad if I'd done some damage to it. Doctor Hale was gone when I came back down, and the doctor who was on the night shift prescribed some Tylenol for the pain and suggested Jake keep an eye on me, in case I had a concussion. He was not happy about that, but for the sake of appearances, he held my hand and helped me out to the car. We sat in the parking lot for almost ten minutes without talking, before I could bear the silence no longer.

"Jake… have I done something wrong? Have I done something to upset you?"

Jake was silent for another moment. His posture was relaxed, and that was what worried me. His eyes were dark, the muscles in his neck tight. He was angry.

"Bella is pregnant. She has a stressful job. How is it that she can keep a baby and work all hours God sends and you can't even look after our baby, when you work minimum hours in a very easy job?"

I didn't know how to answer him so instead I grabbed his hand and held it to my cheek.

"Baby… I want to try again. I want to give you the children you deserve." Jake's face was hard to read. He pulled his hand from under mine and started the drive home. I could feel him looking at me from the corner of his eye.

He pulled up quickly at the house and was at my side, opening my door for me within seconds. I looked at him, confused. I may have said something that pleased him but he has not opened a door for me in the last three years.

I misconstrued the way he held his hand out. I reached my hand up to his and he pushed it away, grabbing a handful of my hair, away from where the cut was. Jake was strong and I could feel the stitches in my head giving way as he dragged me out the car by my hair. However hard I tried to keep the scream from erupting, being dragged across gravel by the top of my head was too painful and I yelled out before I could stop it.

The light in next door's front window turned on as Jake dropped me, face first onto the driveway. I looked up and saw Laurent and Victoria standing in their open doorway, looking over at us. Jake lifted me up, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. He was trying to make it look like he cared for me in front of the neighbours.

I smiled sadly at Victoria as Jake was unlocking the door. She raised her eyebrow and gestured angrily toward Jake. I shook my head. I couldn't get him into trouble. It wasn't his fault I was such a fuck up.

The door opened quickly and Jake dragged me inside by the shoulder. He shut and locked the door before he turned to me again.

"How dare you! You think I've forgotten how you killed my child? Now, you want to replace him?" Now I knew why he was looking so tense. I cowered against the wall, lifting my arms to protect myself from the upcoming beating.

When it didn't come, I moved my hands away from my face and looked up at him. The look on his face was very confusing. He seemed… uncertain. I stood and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him over to the sofa so we could talk.

He wasn't talking, wasn't moving. I ran my fingers through his thick black hair, waiting for him to say something.

"I hurt you…" I waited for him to finish his sentence but that was it. I didn't say anything. His mood could change at any time. We know this.

"Baby... it's not your fault… I deserved it…"

"I scare you." I ignored that question too, until he glared at me.

"All the time. I'm sorry."

He nodded. He didn't say anything else, instead, I stayed sat on his lap, holding his hand. I was hesitant about saying anything; I didn't know what would snap him back to his old mood.

"I'm sorry… about what I said earlier. And I'm so sorry about the last three years… I'll do absolutely anything to make it up to you…"

A look flashed in his eyes for a second. Then he was back to the emotionless blank stare. I was sure he was going to go off on one. He always did when I mentioned what could have been.

Instead he pushed me off his lap, onto the floor and strode out of the room. I didn't bother follow him, I knew there was no point. He was going into one of his black moods.

I sat on the floor, staring at the patterned carpet for around fifteen minutes before I heard him walk back in.

I didn't want to look at him, I was afraid of what I would see, so I stood up without looking in his direction and walked up to our room.

The room was spotless. That was obviously what Jake had been doing for those fifteen minutes. There was no evidence from the fight, there was no blood anywhere and nothing was in its wrong place. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

I sat down on the bed and pulled out my journal from under the mattress. Jake didn't know I was writing, and though I never wrote anything bad about him, I was scared of what he'd do if he found it.

I heard the TV switch on and I settled against the cushions at the bottom of the bed. Jake wouldn't be up for a while, I had time to write. Get down my thoughts and Jake's mood swings before he flipped again.

I thought carefully what I would right before I did. If he found it, found out what I really thought, he'd leave me for sure. And without Jake I'd be nothing.

_"June 12th_

_Today was a day much like the others. Shopping then spending time with my baby. Jake was so good to me today. He helped me when I fell down the stairs; he was so caring and attentive. We went to the hospital and all the nurses couldn't take their eyes off him. He is gorgeous, I can't blame them."_

I stopped writing as I heard the TV volume rise. I sighed, partly curious as to why he needed to watch 'Eastenders' at volume 50, and partly annoyed that he didn't seem to care there were others in the house. I grabbed my iPod and turned the music to my current favourite song.

With 'All I've Ever Needed' by Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed blasting in my ears I turned back to my writing, relaxing further onto the cushions.

_"There was a nurse, Isobel or something like that at the hospital. She was pregnant. She looked so happy… so healthy. Why can't I have that? Why can't I give Jake the baby he so desires? He'll get tired of me soon, throw me out, I'll be on my own. I need to give him a baby before he trades me in for someone who can…"_

A drop of water fell onto the page and smudged the last few words. I sighed again, pushing the journal under the scatter cushions, throwing the pen across the room. I turned around so my head was on the other pillows at the top of the bed and pulled Jake's pillow to my chest. It smelt like him, and quickly I fell asleep.

I don't remember dreaming, and when I woke up, I looked at the clock. 1 am. I'd been asleep for a little over two hours. Jake still hadn't come to bed but there was no noise coming from downstairs, so I guessed he was asleep.

I got off the bed and hid my journal properly, before walking out the room and downstairs. Jake was curled up on the sofa, holding what looked like paper to his chest. His face was red, cheeks streaked, eyes puffy. He'd been crying, and from the looks of it, he'd been crying a lot.

I crept closer, quietly, wanting to get a look at the paper in his hand. It was A5 size, and he held it close to his chest.

Without trying to wake him, I gently peeled his fingers off the paper, turning it to see what he had gotten so upset about. What I saw was confusing. I understood straight away why Jake was crying, but I had no idea where he got it from. I glanced down at the picture of the 12 week scan of our baby.

I looked back at Jake's face, and it pained me to see how heartbroken he was over this. Sitting on the coffee table, facing the sofa where Jake was sleeping, I sighed, a quiet sob escaping me. I had hurt Jake so much. I had killed my baby. I had killed a part of Jake.

I kissed the picture of the baby we would never meet and placed it on Jake's chest before kissing his lips softly. The simple action, and looking at the image on his chest reminded me of all the times before the miscarriage, when Jake would kiss me for no reason.

Quickly I ran back upstairs, pulling the top drawer of my dresser open. I grabbed the journal marked 2009 and sat down on the bed to read, flicking to the date marked February 15th.

_"February 15th_

_Yesterday was St Valentine's Day, and it was by far the best Valentine's Day ever. Jake and I have just reached our three month anniversary and he made it so special! I do not think I could love him anymore!_

_He took me out to dinner, much like he did when he proposed, and we were right in the corner, secluded, but with a great view of the band. It was perfect. He looked amazing. He is the best husband a girl could wish for…"_

I re read that line three times and scoffed. Little did I know how soon he would change into the person he is today. I didn't want to read any more of that crap. Didn't want to remember how pathetic and naïve I really was. But I couldn't help to remember back to that day…

**February 14th**

**I smiled into the mirror at Jake as he stepped up behind me, holding something behind his back.**

**"What you got there?" I grinned as he kissed the top of my head.**

**"Just something for my beautiful wife… It's our three month anniversary today…" I leaned back into him and hummed as he swept my hair over my shoulder, kissing the back of my neck.**

**"Jake baby… don't start something you won't finish…" I smirked. I knew he loved this side of me, he told me repeatedly on our honeymoon.**

**I turned and looked up at him, not prepared for him as he pushed me into the mirror, crashing his lips onto mine.**

**"Just you wait Alice Black… Wait till I get you home tonight…"**

**He became serious for a minute and I smiled as he stroked my cheek with his thumb.**

**"I got you this baby…" I watched as he pulled out a small box. Inside was a beautiful pendant with a tiny emerald stone.**

**"It's perfect… what did I do to deserve this?" I asked I held my hair up, so he could put it on.**

**"You married me Mrs Black."**

**The drive to the restaurant was fairly quick and we got seated quickly. I noticed the waitress couldn't keep her eyes off Jake and I smirked. All women had this reaction towards him and he was all mine.**

**I guess Jake noticed too because his grip on my hand tightened and he looked at her as he spoke.**

**"My wife and I aren't ready to order yet, could you give us a minute…"**

**I smirked as she huffed and walked away. I looked up at Jake to see him staring down my dress.**

**"Umm baby… my eyes are up here…"**

**He blushed at being caught and pulled me onto his lap, despite the fact we were in a crowded restaurant, albeit hidden.**

**"That waitress was doing it… why couldn't I?" I gaped at him.**

**"Excuse me moron. She was looking at you!" He shook his head and kissed the skin between my neck and shoulder.**

**"I'll prove it." I frowned as he pulled the front of my dress down a little, showing off the swell of my breasts. "I bet you she can't keep her eyes off you… I know I can't."**

**I couldn't look at her as Jake waved her back over and she asked Jake for his drink order. I felt a slight pinch on my hip and looked up in surprise to see he was in fact right, she was looking right down my dress. I decided to play with Jake a bit for putting me in this position.**

**I slid off his lap and leant forward on the table, pressing my breasts together. I looked up at the waitress whose name tag read 'Madison' and licked my lips.**

**"I'll have a… uhh... 'Sex on the beach.'" I said, biting my lip. I reached up and put my hand on her arm, smiling when she took a quick breath. "And I'm rather thirsty… Maybe you could hurry it up a little?" I gave her my nicest smile and winked at her, smirking to myself as she scarpered off.**

**I felt Jake pull me back onto his lap and I couldn't help grinning as I felt his… situation.**

**"That was very naughty baby… Not only did you cause a problem here, you probably gave that poor girl a heart attack!" I felt him kiss the nape of my neck when Madison returned with our drinks. I grabbed Jake's wallet and took a note from it, gesturing to the girl to sit down.**

**As we were hidden, no one could see us, and I giggled, leaning towards her. I handed her the note discreetly and leaned forward again, to whisper in her ear. "If the rest of your service is as good as this, there'll be more where that came from.**

**Chancing a glance back at Jake, I saw him try and adjust himself under the table. Pulling back slightly, knowing he was watching, I pressed my lips to hers gently and pulled back. She looked like she'd stopped breathing.**

**"Thank you Madison…" I pretended to look at the menu as she stood up and straightened her clothes. "I'll have the lobster linguine, and he'll have the scallop risotto." She nodded writing the order down, departing quickly.**

**I was prepared for Jake's hand on my thigh as I straightened up and sat facing the table again. I felt him slide his hand up my thigh and under my dress and I turned, pressing my lips to his, groaning into his mouth as his fingers grazed the edge of my damp panties.**

**I pulled back, moving away from him, sitting up straight.**

**"Is there a reason you bought me to a restaurant to tease me? Couldn't we have just done this at home?"**

**"Baby… believe it or not, I did have an important announcement. I didn't know how to tell you, and we've not been out for dinner for about six months so I thought…"**

**I paused, frowning, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, I moved closer to him again, taking his hand.**

**"Is something wrong? Have I done something wrong? You want a divorce?" I began to fret until he turned my hand over and kissed my palm. It always calmed me down.**

**"No baby… quite the opposite… I bought you here because I wanted to tell you… well, what I want to say is… I'm ready."**

**It took me a minute before I understood what he was saying and I gasped. "Say it… tell me properly…" I couldn't believe I was going to hear this.**

**"Alice Black. I love you, and I want to start a family with you. Can we have a baby?"**

**I squealed and jumped into his lap, kissing his face, holding him tightly. I had been waiting months for this.**

**"Yes!" I said excitedly. "Oh baby, I would love to."**

**He grabbed a handful of notes out his wallet and threw them on the table. We weren't going to stay for our meal, and as much as I wanted to stay and tease Madison and Jake, I needed to get him home.**

Present Day

The memory bought on a whole new round of tears. We'd only had to try for a month and it had happened for us that had to have been a sign. For three months we had been the happiest we'd ever been, and ever would be. And then he snapped. I didn't quite understand it. It had taken me the three months of our marriage to convince him that we should start a family. He'd always argued back that we were young, that he had too much work, and that we weren't ready. Yet those three months when we were, he could think of nothing else.

I remembered back to that time over three years ago, when everything had gone down the pan. I'd been kept overnight and when I got home Jake had moved all my stuff into the spare room, stating he 'couldn't stand the sight of me.'

Everything had been tolerable for a week or so, we mostly ignored each other, and that was fine by me, I needed my time to myself, but after a week, he started talking to me again, expecting me to do stuff for him, now I no longer needed to be careful and take it easy.

He asked me to cook a special meal, one that we could have together. I was glad that he was at least making an effort to keep the marriage going, so I agreed. And it would have been fine, had I not started cooking, and forgot about it when my cousin, Cynthia, called, asking about the baby. I broke down on the phone, told her everything and let dinner burn.

Jake had smelt the burning when he walked in from work. I heard him turn the oven off and he came in, and hit me. I took it, agreeing with him when he said I deserved it and I couldn't do anything right. Then it just became a ritual for him.

xoxo

I turned back to the journal in my lap and turned to a different date. I turned off the light in the bedroom and turned the lamp on, getting properly settled in bed. I opened the journal wider and began to read.

_"March 8th_

_8:00am_

_I woke up this morning feeling really ill. I had been for a few days and I thought it was a bug. Until today. Jake doesn't know I've been feeling sick, and he was still asleep when I threw up this morning._

_I wonder what his reaction would be if I really was pregnant. It was less than a month ago that he told me we could try. What if he thinks it's too soon? I need to think of an excuse to go out later and buy a test. I don't want to raise his hopes up if I'm not._

_Jake's downstairs at the minute. He got up early, around seven, though he only needs to be in work at nine. I know, I'll just tell him I'm going to Cynthia's today, if he asks. Maybe I'll make something nice for dinner. And even if I'm not, we can always try again for next month._

_11:30am_

_So I did it. I went out and got a test. I didn't go to Cynthia's, she'd want to know what was going on, and I can't tell her until I know for sure. She doesn't even know that Jake and I are trying. I guess I'll take the tests later. Or now. I don't know._

_5:00pm_

_Ok, so I just took them… I don't want to know the results. I feel like I've kind of got my hopes up for nothing. It wouldn't have happened that quickly, and so I've made such a big deal about nothing. I think I hear Jakes car. Better go check those tests. Fuck. I forgot about dinner."_

I didn't want to read the rest. How happy Jake was when I told him I was indeed pregnant. How he cooked dinner and made me sit down whilst he did the dishes. I couldn't face happy Jake. Kind Jake. Non-abusive Jake.

I decided to try and get some sleep. I didn't want to wait for Jake to come up in case he wanted to talk. I put my 2012 journal away, and had a flick through the 2009 journal before I fell asleep.

xoxo

I felt like I had only just fallen asleep when I was shaken awake and greeted with the same face that had terrified me less than twenty four hours before.

This time he looked different. His face was still red, but he didn't look angry or accusing. He looked anxious and a little worried. One little thought popped into my brain before I could stop it. Maybe this is a new Jake. Maybe he'd changed. I pushed the thought out as quickly as it had entered. What's the point in hoping?

"Are you ok?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine." I wasn't going to play his mind games; I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I sighed and rolled over, planning to slide the journal under my pillow, before I realised it wasn't there. I turned round to see Jake flicking through the pages. The look on his face was unreadable.

"Jake…" I spoke cautiously. "Jake… give that back to me…" I watched him flick through it more as he shook his head. "Jake, please."

He ignored me completely and got up, walking downstairs with the journal. I got up and followed him, but not before looking at the clock. 4:00 am. What the hell?

He had sat down on the sofa and was reading more intently. I was confused at his lack of expression. I never could tell what he was thinking when he went into one of his moods.

I sat on the arm of the sofa and watched as Jake read. I saw him take particular interest in the entries dated the 14th and 15th of Feb.

I prayed that he wouldn't go further than that and silently cursed as he flicked to the June/July entries. Most of them, I remembered, were about how much I despised myself for what I had done to Jake and our family. How much I missed Bean, as he had been nicknamed, and how much I wished I could fix everything.

But in between all the self-loathing and wallowing there were a few entries about how much I hated Jake for what he had put me through. How much I blamed him for everything. There were even a couple that mentioned in great detail the abuse that he put me through.

This time I could tell what he was thinking as he read. I didn't even look back as I got up and quickly ran upstairs, grabbing a blanket and pillow, and a few other things, locking myself in the spare room, otherwise known as Jake's game room. It locked from the inside and Jake would not be able to enter.

It had some beanbag cushions that I would be able to sleep on, a mini fridge that I always kept well stocked, and a little room off to the side that Jake had installed a toilet and sink in. I could stay in here for a couple of days max, and Jake wouldn't be able to spend two days off work, so I would be able to leave and get anything else I may need.

It wasn't long before I heard his familiar footsteps check the bedroom, bathroom and then finally stop outside his games room. I held my breath as he knocked loudly. His voice betrayed no emotion as he spoke.

"Open the door now." He paused and then added a "please."

I kept silent. I knew he knew I was in here, but I wasn't going to move. I should have figured that he was not going to give up. His knocking increased in speed and volume until I could take it no more. I wrapped the duvet around my shoulders; naïvely thinking it may give me a little protection and silently unlocked the door.

The banging desisted immediately. I pulled open the door and stood, staring at him. He was smiling, though it was a nervous smile, like he wasn't sure what he was going to say.

"Why did you run?"

"You know why." I sighed; I really wasn't in the mood for his mind games. "You saw what I wrote… What I shouldn't have written. I'm sorry."

I expected him to get angry, shout and even hit me. What I didn't expect was for him to put his arms around me and pull me to his chest.

"I don't blame you. For what happened or for what you said." I felt him run his hand down my arm and I frowned as he linked our fingers. "But I would like to discuss your journal…"

He was being polite and his mood was good, for now. So I nodded.

We made our way into the bedroom and sat on either side of our bed. I sat against the head board; knees pulled to my chest and watched him warily.

"Alice. I know what happened to Bean wasn't your fault. I know my behaviour these past few years has been inexcusable, and I want to change, I really do. But this marriage isn't going to work if we can't talk, get along and be honest. Do you really believe that it was my fault we lost Bean?"

I shook my head instantly; of course I didn't think that. I hated myself for writing that, no wonder Jake was so angry when he saw that.

"No… I really don't. Those words were written in anger; I promise you I didn't mean them. I know it was my fault. I should have taken better care of myself, should have gotten more exercise, eaten healthier. It's my fault that we never met our son. I will regret it every day. But I want you to know that I never want to replace him, I want to give you the child you deserve. You'd be a great father, and I am so sorry I took the chance away from you first time."

I paused for breath and looked at his face. He seemed complacent. I thought about what he said and frowned.

"But I don't understand… if it wasn't my fault, then why the hell do you feel the need to punish me? All the time, no matter what I do, you hurt me, you scare me, and there isn't anything I can do about it!" He was looking angry again, but this time, I didn't care. I needed him to listen to me for once, and I needed to understand.

"I know what I did caused you the loss of a baby, but I lost him too! I just needed a little grieving time, and you won't even give me that! You have ruined my life these past three years. Why the hell should I bring a child into this situation? He or she does not deserve the abuse that you seem to want to bestow on me all the time. Why should I protect you? Why should I lie to the hospital, and to the police, just so you can pretend to care, and just continue like nothing happened? I wanted to get married, have a baby and be a mother to our child and when he or she went to school I could start work. That's all I ever dreamed about when I was a kid. And now, although partly my fault, because of you I will never have that. I hate it, and I hate you for it! I despise you Jacob William Black!"

I couldn't read his expression he seemed frozen solid, so I tried to run while it seemed like I had the chance. I tripped on the stairs but managed it down without falling, and I was almost to the door when I felt his hand grip my shoulder. I felt him pull, trying to get me away from the front door, and I heard rather than felt the pop as my shoulder popped out of place.

Ripping my arm out of his grip, ignoring the keening sound that seemed to be coming from me, I wrenched open the door with my good hand and yelled out.

"HELP! HELP ME!"

The porch light from next door came on almost immediately and I tried yelling again, but a hand covered my mouth. Adrenaline pulsed through me as I thought of finally being able to escape this awful marriage, and I bit Jake's hand and ran as his grip loosened.

"Victoria! Laurent! Please! Help Me!" I smiled as their door opened, before I felt the whole force of Jake's body hit mine as he tackled me. He seemed to forget the head injury he'd already caused me to sustain earlier that day, as he gripped the side of my head and smashed it against the tarmac. I could taste the blood and I was starting to feel lighter and lighter. I could just about hear Victoria calling my name as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

_**Go easy on me guys. I will update as soon as I can, but it's going to be hard, see authors note on previous chapter. Same stuff.**_

_**Ok, so if you haven't heard 'All I've Ever Needed' or for that fact any of Nikki Reed and Paul McDonalds songs, I suggest you listen to them. They're awesome.**_

_**Also, this chapter was a bitch to write and is pretty much all I have, since I lost my pen drive. That means even longer between updates until I write the rest. **_

_**Stick with me!**_

_**Thanks, Claire x**_


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